Today has been the most difficult day yet. Like I mentioned in my previous blog, I'm dealing with some disappointments that are leaving me vulnerable. Instead of dealing with the hurt that comes from a situation where I basically had fooled myself into believing something that wasn't real - and staking a lot of my esteem on it being real - I want to pile on food.
And this time it wasn't even unhealthy food necessarily. It was just that trigger to eat instead of feel that I was able to recognize and thwart.
A very good reason to be proud today.
Especially since I'm feeling physically bad again thanks to that persistent cough and pain from bronchitis.
It would have been so much easier to give in for the moment, stop and get food out ignoring the fact I had much better alternatives at home.
I wanted to feel good, and I wanted my food to do it - instead of being fuel to my body like it should be.
But I resisted. And for that I am very proud of myself. Not just for the food aspect, but resisting the urge to spend money on something I didn't need to buy as well.
And you know what? That has made the other stuff hurt a lot less. Which goes to prove that the only esteem that is worth having, is the one we give ourselves. The one we earn by keeping our promises to ourselves and showing our body the respect it deserves.
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