Ch-ch-ch-changes....

Been knocked out by a bad bout with the ol back again. This has become way too familiar a scene.

And I really only have myself to blame. I was treating exercise like I used to treat every other decision... I put it off because I was looking at it from the entirely wrong perspective.

Like the sugar, where I make the conscious choice to avoid the things that will make me feel bad - I need to change the way I look at exercise too.

Instead of a chore, it's a choice. A choice that will ultimately prevent me from being in this same position where I'm crippled by pain.

So I need to get over myself and get on the ball. (Literally)

Especially when I saw a weight loss on the scale at the ER, a place I'm going to have to pay big bucks to just so they could tell me don't go to work, take some pills, use a heating pad and rest.

Stuff I was already doing anyway.

So I'm going to start out slow and get my health back while I still can. I got here because of my choices, I can get out of here the same way.

It's kind of fitting considering I've finally decided what to do for myself on my 40th birthday.

I've decided to go to college.

I mean, I did the online thing for a couple of semesters, but it's not the same. I want the entire college experience complete with a cap and gown graduation I never got from high school.

It's the one thing I've always regretted that I did not do, and now that I stack it up against all the pros and cons I can't really see too much of a downside to going now. I had put it off for so long because I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up (other than a writer), and it seemed like a waste of time and money to chase after a degree. This is especially true when you see people with degrees often making a living completely different from the degrees they earned.

But as I started this new job at the call center, I see people of all ages balancing school and work. For them, that's a job to pay the bills until they embark on a career.

To me... it's a job to pay the bills - indefinitely.

The thought depressed me to no end.

The job is fine; but do I really want to do that until I'm 65?

Which, btw, is only 25 short years away?

My oldest son is about to turn 20. I know how that time can fly.

I've actually been entertaining the thought of going back to school for a while. Every time you get online you see ads about grant money for moms who want to return to school. If the help is there... why wait?

Oh yeah... that not knowing what I want to be when I grow up.

Well the more I thought about it the more I realized that an Associate of Arts degree is basically a foundation for anything I wanted to do. If I just get that under my belt, a world of possibilities is open to me. It also ups my bargaining price when I go for a job, no matter what field it's in.

Not to mention the wealth of human experience I'll get just being in the college atmosphere is going to be priceless. As a writer, again, I can't really see a downside.

Especially if I can get any of the work in college published as well.

While I would love to do a university, the junior college here in my town looks like it can fill most of my needs, and at a price I can afford. Plus just looking at the courses and the possibilities actually has me excited for the first time in a long time.

It may be a little late in coming, but maybe it's at the exactly right time. The kids are almost grown and on their own, and I'll be approaching it with a lot more appreciation than I might have had twenty something years ago.

I've spent too much time on the other side. I know what's at stake.

So it's all up to me now. No more revving my wheels in the mud. It's time to start making real, discernible progress.

So my birthday goal is to get enrolled and prepared to go by the beginning of the Spring semester in 2010.

I can change my body AND change my future.

I'm nearly 40 years old.

The time for waiting is over.

The time for change is now.